Floating Hotel Rooms AND Mantis Shrimp


We all have our fantasies.

For some, it's the only thing that maintains sanity. For others, it's the reason they are locked up in the Hotel Off-Kilter-- to keep the community safe.

Ever have someone confess a harmless fantasy to you, a G-rated one, and you are dumbfounded, as in, “However-- and under what circumstances-- would that EVER occur to you?”

You have to have chiropractic adjustments to the hinges on your jaw.

Just recently, one of the PREMIER mountain climbers got in a hissy-fit fight with the group he was in, who were climbing K2.

K2 is either the second or third highest mountain in the world. (There's another mountain-- not Everest- that would be the second tallest if it were measured from what would normally be level ground. It's sitting on some kind of rise.) Anyway, this guy decided he would split with the team and summit K2 ....all by himself.

In winter. Bye-bye, suckers! Stomped off. Uphill. In winter. Alone.

He came to his senses later, and passed them on their way up. On his way down. On his feet, not sailing through the air.


A sensible decision.

I admit it would never have entered MY Fantasy-verse to climb K2, period, much less alone or in winter. Thank heaven.

OK. So now we're off to Japan, home of the robot hotel (I am not making this up). Which offers a hotel selling nights in two floating pods, each two floors high, each containing a bathroom and a bedroom, and each able to accommodate four people. The pods are inside a park, and they float among the uninhabited islands in the park.

(I saw a Miami Vice once, in which an icon called Robillard Nevin got his final wish. His floating coffin was launched, and he floated out to sea.)

The hotel pods apparently just float around. Lots of windows. No TV, I guess, but you can play survival games with toy guns.

They provide the guns.

No torpedos. No warring with the other pod.

The nightly rental of one of the pods will run about $355.

This gift comes wrapped in silence.

My friend told me HER fantasy. She wants to sit down to a meal of endless steak, lobster, and extra-large shrimp, stuff herself to Discomfort Level 2, and come back the same day/night-- and do it again. And have someone else pay for it.

(I'm guessing whoever paid for it would be at Discomfort Level 6).

She told me she likes BIIIIG shrimp—yes, “jumbo shrimp” is an official oxymoron—and she heard that SOME shrimp can grow to be 18 inches long. She wants THAT kind of shrimp.

Sure...in your dreams.

Welllllll.......it turns out...that the largest harvested Mantis shrimp was caught near Fort Pierce, Florida.



Eighteen inches! Barely fits in your aquarium! Even though you can't put anything in there with it, because it is one A-plus dubble-dare-ya MONDO bad dude!*

There are around 450 species of Mantis shrimp around the world. They are apex predators. They spear, stun, dismember their prey.

*Some of the bigger ones can shatter aquarium glass with a single strike, which makes it unlikely that Chen's House of Noodle will have one you can get close to.

Some species of mantis shrimp are monogamous, staying married for up to 20 years. (Not a bad record, considering their ability to OBLITERATE someone who gets on their nerves.) In fact, in two species, the female will lay two clutches of eggs. Dad cares for one, Mom the other. In other species, Mom cares for the eggs, and Dad hunts and brings back food.

“Smasher” mantises can strike out with a claw at the speed of a .22

caliber bullet. And emit a shock wave at the same time that can be enough to stun or kill their prey. The strike produces a small flash of light ...and (the process has more to it, but we'll get down to the nitty-gritty here) is SO destructive.... that it makes pits in the stainless steel of boat propellers. It can buckle the thick armor of crabs, and beat up octopi. It is soooo destructive... that makers of Kevlar... look to it for ways to IMPROVE Kevlar.

Mantis shrimp were discovered in 2014 (by the University of Queensland) to be able to detect the difference between cancerous and healthy tissue. With their unaided eyes. (You gonna put glasses on me, human? I SPIT on your eye chart!) If your pet mantis motions you over, kinda sneaky-like, and mutters, “Say there, Clyde, that mole on your cheek is cancer,” DO NOT call him a stoopid stomatopod and make fun of his diagnosis.

And don't think that after you insult him and he busts out of his aquarium and comes at you with lethal intent, you can hide behind your lookalike brother and have HIM take the fall. OhHECKno!

Because mantis shrimp learn fast... and have good memories... and CAN RECOGNIZE THOSE WITH WHOM THEY FREQUENTLY INTERACT. BOTH BY SIGHT AND BY INDIVIDUAL SMELL!

This talent helps them defend their murky holes and burrows from rivals and octupi and –since that Queensland cancer-detecting discovery thing in 2014-- inquisitive medical students.

Buy yours now.. the price is bound to go up.





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