Get off your seat and on your feet...
I tell you what, get off your butt...
When in a slump, get off your rump...
**AAAAAAACK!** *I'm channeling my high-school gym teachers!*
OK, apparently, some 31 years later, I am cursed with still hearing their harsh, grating growls.
OK, 41 years later.
OK, OK, 51 years later! Are you happy now?
Of course after high school I IMMEDIATELY went into college majors that would prevent me from sitting for a long period.
Um...no. In fact, college would have kept me from exercising at all, if I hadn't had to run through urban slums at night to catch several buses to get home. And had to climb, like, 4 million steps, because some FOOL decided to locate MY college at the top of a mountain, and some OTHER fool put the parking lots and bus stops at the bottom of said mountain. And if the snack vending machines and budget cafeteria weren't at the top of one of the highest buildings.
Actually, pretty smart, you guys.
AND it turns out that, according to the article cited below, from Mercola.com's Peak Fitness Archives:
“ ...within 90 seconds of standing up, the muscular and cellular systems that process blood sugar, triglycerides, and cholesterol—which are mediated by insulin—are activated.
“All of these molecular effects are activated simply by carrying your own bodyweight. These cellular mechanisms are also responsible for pushing fuel into your cells and, if done regularly, will radically decrease your risk of diabetes and obesity.
“In short, at the molecular level, your body was designed to be active and on the move all day long.”
There follows a lot of excellent advice, sectioned for our convenience.
**How to Get Up and Get Moving.
How to Sit Smarter.**
This from May 8, 2015.
Sooooo fast forward, Boomers and Seniors, to April 13, 2018. More than FOUR PAGES of search- results citations for THIS scientific bombshell: ***Too Much Sitting May Thin the Part of Your Brain That's Important for Memory.***
I chose the one cited below, from L.A. Times.com.
Turns out that there are some areas of your body that you WANT to be nice and plump. Of course the one for memory and learning is inside your skull, where no one can see it.
Turns out that at EVERY AGE, the medial temporal lobe and its subregions need to be cushy like a pillow, but people who sit too much cause that area to thin out. EVEN BEFORE ALZHEIMERS STEALS THE MEMORIES, every additional hour of sitting thins the medial temporal area by 2%. So compared to a 10- hour-a-day sitter, a 15-hour-a-day sitter would have a temporal lobe area that's 10% thinner.
Author's note: MATH AHEAD.
The average adult human's brain weighs 1350 grams.
Using math: just under 3 pounds.
That's the WHOLE brain. Not just the temporal lobe area. But say that's 3 pounds, just to make it easier to picture. 12 sticks of butter.
First you **sit** a whole lotta time in your crib, high chair, wading pool...then you **sit** all those hours getting your education and/or professional certificates.
Now, say that your job has you **sitting** 6 hours a day...thus, every day, you are whittling away at the old brain-o. Five days a week for 40 years, and on weekends/holidays of course, lying on the couch or in the hammock or **sitting** in a car driving to Vegas, where you will **sit** at a penny slot machine for hours. **Sit** at the movies, **sit** at the computer, **sit** on jury duty, **sit** reading and studying stuff to (Ah, the irony!) make your brain bigger.
Your temporal lobe would be thinner than...than...
(OK, take it from here... do the math...I'll wait.)
Anyway, thinner than the chance of the Mounties NOT getting their man.
The article tells you how to make a visual aid. ( Keep the article nearby. You know, just in case.)
***But is there no hope for the Boomer/Senior Couch Potato?***
Of course there is. In CNN's article on 10-2-13, cited below, we are informed of Science's having grown mini-brains from programmable stem cells. In this case, “mini-brains” means PARTS of a brain that a 9-week-old human fetus would be able to use. It's a start, and somebody who's whittled away a coupla cubes of butter's worth of the brain they came with would probably be ***delighted*** to test-drive some.
And let us not forget, that was 2013-- five years ago-- ancient history in Science tinkering. By now they've ***got*** to have gotten farther along.
So now comes the news that they've recently grown miniature ...wait for it...NEANDERTHAL brains. Sure, they (*Homo Neanderthalensis*) were the big losers in the Homo Olympics, which *Homo Sapiens* won. That's our team.
Well, maybe we lost. They made a quiet exit. We have the distinction of achieving a new scariness in our ability to obliterate life on earth. In January 2018 we were, on the Doomsday Clock, closer to midnight *(read: “bye bye"*) than ever. *Thirty seconds closer than last year.*
Neanderthals lived in Eurasia during at least 430,000 to 38,000 years ago, says Wikipedia.
It also says that there's a theory that the Neanderthals were finished once the dog got domesticated (I am not making this up.)
And another theory that our race absorbed their race through interbreeding. It says, “While some modern human nuclear DNA has been linked to the extinct Neanderthals, no mitochondrial DNA of Neanderthal origin has been detected, which in primates is always maternally transmitted. This observation has prompted the hypothesis that whereas female humans interbreeding with male Neanderthals were able to generate fertile offspring, the progeny of female Neanderthals who mated with male humans were either rare, absent or sterile.”
Maybe, with a little atomic assistance, we can get those popcorn shapes to shape themselves into something more or less spherical.
So obviously, with a little elbow grease and a little tinkering and a little time, we can grow new Homo Sapiens brains, or even just add back into the mix, the structures that all that sitting has messed up.
Whiiiiiiiich brings me to the radioactive wolves.
Seems like yesterday, but it was 1986; clearly MY memory –well, let's not go there.
A reactor blew up a few times in Chernobyl, Ukraine, unleashing 400 times more fallout than we unleashed on Hiroshima. Because of the Nuclear Wasteland factor, the area became free of humans...sort of a wildlife preserve.
Anyway the local reptiles probably made it, and the radioactive zombies... all those sci-fi beings. And the area is now designated-- you can't make this stuff up-- a TOURISM SITE.
(It's waaaaay past time for some cheaply produced post -Chernobyl sci-fi movies. Featuring that tourism site component.)
And the gray wolves have recovered! -- to the extent that there are 7 times more of them than at “similar” reserves surrounding the area. They look like normal wolves, don't glow green, and, since apex predators can't grow too populous in a given area, they are spreading out. Some have been fitted with GPS collars, so one was known to have traveled 186 miles in 3 weeks. (Obviously, HE is not likely to have HIS brain shrink from long hours of sitting.)
The thing is, while he looks OUTWARDLY normal, maybe his genetic material is all mutated, and he will produce freaky LITTLE wolves. It may be that, since wolves are serial monogamists, the spread of any mutations will be likely to be slower than the (undoubtedly also genetically messed up) rats, mice and cockroaches. Tourism site! Tourism site!
HOWEVER, let us not just ASSUME that all mutations are BAD. Maybe there'll be a mutation that, say, makes a wolf able to write really good country music.